Active listening is where you forget all of your needs for a minute and let the other person vent everything they feel about your “I feel...” statement. You said what you feel, now they say what they feel. Tit-for-tat. And to be honest, it can sometimes get ugly. Don’t take it personally, you’re the one that brought it up for discussion. This is part of the discussion.

Your ONE JOB is to be interested and care deeply about how they feel about it. Take it all with stride. Eventually they’ll get it all out, and their venting of emotions will become less tense feeling. It’s cathartic to be heard, and if you’ve active listened well (practice practice practice), you’ll be rewarded with a closer, more understanding relationship.

Active listening isn’t exactly natural at first. Here are some step-by-steps.

1. Hear their words
2. Think about what they’ve said
3. Reflect their feelings back at them

This is to repeatedly show that you understand their feelings. If you successfully have interpreted their feelings, then you’ve done well!

This is important because you communicate way more back to them by interpreting how they feel, than by telling them what they just told you. By validating their feelings correctly, you’re practically egging them on to keep going. They feel like you actually understand them!

Example

• “You feel like we’re undisciplined with our money.”
• “You feel like the client won’t care about the hard work we put into generating those reports. It’ll be a ton of work for zero return.”
• “It’s important for you to keep up with the score, but don’t feel like you have permission to sit down and watch the game.”

Citations

• (Parent effectiveness training #citation)

#PET #communication #toolong